just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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