I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
