Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
