I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
