sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
