I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
