There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize