So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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