so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
