I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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