Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
