how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
