I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
