She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
