Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize
