I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
