whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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