I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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