i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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