she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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