you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
