Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
