Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
