I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
