sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
