And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
