so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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