I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
