I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
