this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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