11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What a dumb baby whore.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
