It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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