i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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