Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
