I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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