i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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