She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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