I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
