he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
