my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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