I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
