she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
