you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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