oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Fuck appropriateness.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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