idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
