Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
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when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
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Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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