oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
