Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
