Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
