Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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