He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
