Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
