my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
