thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
