If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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