i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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