Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
