You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
