Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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