Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Boobs are out for the taking
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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