I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have feelings that need drinking.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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