I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
