In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
