Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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