Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Panties = found
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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