i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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