I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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