I love black thongs
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
