Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
