How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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