I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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