I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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