This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
