Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
