When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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