Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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