porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
